Ass Kicker

country_of_origin: United States
Uploaded: 17-05-2012
Length: 111 pages
Status: screenplay

Rating

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Logline: After creating his own form of martial arts, Donny “The Greatest” Milfer, sets out to challenge his skills against local dojos.

Synopsis: Donny “The Greatest” Milfer is thirty six years old and lives in his sister’s garage, but after creating his own form of martial arts, he sets out to challenge his skills against four experts with hopes of defeating them and becoming the world’s next great martial artist.

Donny “The Greatest” Milfer is thirty six years old, lives in his sister’s garage and has just hatched a plan to proclaim himself the greatest martial arts in the world.

Donny plans to challenge masters in four disciplines. Karate, Taekwondo, Judo, and Kung fu.

First up, the Karate challenge against Sensei Mike.

Of course, Donny doesn’t just challenge Sensei Mike. He shows up at his dojo while Mike is giving a lesson to a bunch of children, and throws a brick through his storefront window.

Sensei Mike finally rises to the challenge and the fight begins.

Donny appears to be on the road to victory until Mike’s students join in. The combined force of the kids, the instructor, and the late arriving police is too much.

It looks like Donny has gone down to defeat.

After Donny’s sister bails him and his friends out of jail, the forlorn trio reconvenes at Donny’s sister’s garage slash dojo with great news.

During their incarceration and recuperation, Sensei Mike closed down his dojo and fled town. Donny didn’t lose after all. The quest can continue.

Enter the do-jang.

Donny fights with a Grandmaster. Again, he’s losing pretty badly. But eventually, Donny manages to overpower the Grandmaster. He declares victory in a truly unusual way—which comes back to haunt him later.

Two down, two to go.

Except, the only judo “artist” in Donny’s immediate area is a seventh rate actor named Wilkins “Mad Dog” Wallis.

After some debate about whether fighting Mad Dog is a good idea, (beating him will mean no more of his judo movies), the three friends decide to march forward with Donny’s plan.

Before the judo fight, Dean and Donny have a falling out. The excuse for their argument is the manner in which Donny celebrated his victory over the Grandmaster.

Donny fights Mad Dog in an elevator. He’s taking advantage of one of the weaknesses he sees in this style of fighting. It over relies on opponent throws as a means toward victory.

Three down, one to go. The odds of accomplishing the quest are improving, but Donny has now sacrificed his best friend to his goal.

Erasing the feeling of accomplishment his fight victories were bringing to him, his sister views the tape of his celebration of his victory over the Grandmaster.

She kicks him out of her house.

Out of options, Donny eventually ends up at Dean’s house. Dean’s wife forces the best friends to reunite.

They track the only Kung fu master in their area, Emerson Sage, to a local YMCA.

It turns out that Emerson is a woman. Donny watches in awe as she takes to the ring and beats the crap out of a couple of big guys.

Donny is instantly in love. How will he complete his quest, though? He can’t fight a woman.

This leads to a bit of indecisive stalking of Emerson, that doesn’t get resolved until Connie finally calls Donny out on the real reason he doesn’t want to fight Emerson. He likes her.

If he admits this, he might be forced to actually get a job, act like a grown-up, and move out of his sister’s house.

We end with the Kung fu fight. Donny and Emerson having furious sex, Donny claiming his final win. Next stop, the world!

Plot keywords: turd, loser, karate, balls , comedy , kung fu


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